Crazy
by BonesBird
Summary: As B'Elanna plans to rescue her mother, Tom has to battle his own fears and misgivings, and verbalise something that everyone already knows. P/T P/K Friendship


**Title: Crazy  
****Summary: As B'Elanna plans to rescue her mother, Tom has to battle his own fears and misgivings, and verbalise something that everyone already knows. P/T P/K Friendship  
****Lyrics: Crazy - Simple Plan**

**This one is specially dedicated to the wonderful Dax, who's little oneshots around "Extreme Risk" partially inspired this. Also dedicated to my BFF PinkAngel, because she is amazing.**

**This is set during "Barge Of The Dead", and is strongly Tom/B'Elanna despite the tag.**

* * *

_**Is everybody going crazy  
**__**Is anybody gonna save me  
**__**Can anybody tell me what's going on  
**__**Tell me what's going on  
**__**If you open your eyes  
**__**You'll see that something is wrong**_

* * *

The room was silent, cold and dark. Like a morgue. It was a morbid comparison to draw, but right now, Tom Paris was feeling a little morbid. It wasn't because he had nothing to do, he had plenty to do. But more it was because he hadn't seen what had been going on. Even though it had all ended over a year, he still brooded on it, especially when she was doing something dangerous again.

She had spent so long causing herself pain. Trying to get over the loss of the first real family she'd had since she was a child. She hadn't told anyone, and that had gutted him. In the months that followed, she explained, even though he had told her she didn't need to. He just wanted her to know he loved her no matter what. Hearing her say that she hadn't felt like she was alive, and she needed to test that, had been one of the hardest things he'd ever heard. A truth that gutted him, and had even derailed them for a while.

This time he had tried to stop her. Tried to convince her that she should let him help her, but that wasn't enough, and he would support her, he would, because if he didn't, what kind of boyfriend would he be. Even while he disagreed with it, he would support her.

But, he needed to work it off, and hope that the captain would stop the whole idea. But for some reason, somehow, he knew she wouldn't. B'Elanna could be persuasive when she wanted to be. It was part of the reason he loved her, but it was also part of the reason he knew that she would be doing this. Even if he begged her not too, and he knew he wouldn't.

He heard the door to the shuttle bay open, and he hoped whoever it was would go away. After a few seconds he knew the footsteps, and he knew that the thought he would leave was gone. There was no chance Harry would assume he wasn't here.

"Tom, I know you're here" Harry called, Tom just shook his head as his friends' shadow came into focus around the Flyer. "I need to talk to you" Tom just looked up as he felt Harry's gaze land on him. He moved up a little, inviting Harry to sit on the same bit of conduit housing he'd been sat on for… how long?

"I don't want to talk, Harry" he muttered, not at all sure what to do with his hands, just looking around the darkened bay. He always came here to think, and the only two people on the ship who knew that happened to be his two best friends. Harry mirrored his stance, but he could feel harry's eyes resting somewhere around his knee. "There is nothing to say"

"You love her, don't you?" Harry said, in as honest a voice as he could. Tom knew Harry already knew the answer to that. He had been in love with B'Elanna for almost 6 years, even though for two of them he had tried to ignore it. It had all started in that Vidiia'an prison, he had seen her so vulnerable, so unsure of herself, he had wanted to protect her ever since. Then there was her incident with the Pon Farr, something neither of them would ever forget. But he couldn't remember ever telling anyone else that he loved her. Not in so many words.

"Yeah, I do. I always have. You needed to ask?" he clapped his hands together lightly, the sound reverberating and making the bay seem larger than it was. Harry just looked at him again, leaning back a little.

"Then why aren't you talking her out of it"

"Because I know it wouldn't work. Harry" He trailed off, needing to get everything out. Needing to let someone know how much it hurt him, but how he would get through it. "Last year, when she was hurting herself. I knew something was wrong. But I hoped she'd come to me, we'd been together almost a year by then. Everything I learnt about her made her seem even more perfect to me. Even the problems, everything." He took a deep breath, feeling the tears well up in his eyes, taking a deep breath he knew he had to continue, and Harry just sat, listening. "The last year has been hard, on both of us. We fought over everything, but I knew, somehow, that we'd get through everything. Then, the Malon thing happened, and she changed. She suddenly knew she was in the right place, and we got better, and now" He stopped and shrugged, looking at the drops of water around his feet on the deck. "And now she is risking her life again, and I can do nothing to stop it. I love her so much, that I know that she'll do this anyway."

He looked away, and wiped his face. Letting out a chuckle, his retreat always being humour, trying to make light of his situation. "So yeah Harry, I love her."

"You should see her before she does this."

"I'm going to. I just needed to think" He stood up, and lovingly patted the hull of the Flyer, the ship he always thought of as his baby. He had designed her, and helped build her. He would always think of her as his ship. He turned back to Harry and just shook his head. "She'll get through this Harry, you'll see her in a few hours"

"Wish her luck from me" Harry called as Tom walked away, and Tom's bravado almost cracked again, the longest walk of his life was coming. Then he just had to make sure the love of his life made it through this, and once it was over, he needed to tell her he loved her all over again.


End file.
